When Anxiety Strikes: Turning Fear into Strength

When Anxiety Strikes: Turning Fear into Strength

The morning of December 31 greeted me with a jolt of anxiety, a suffocating presence that woke me with a racing heart. My chest felt heavy, my mind filling with "worries," and I could sense the day spiraling into a mental battle before it had even begun. It wasn’t paralyzing, but it was enough to change my plans for the morning.

You see, I was going to a New Year’s party that evening. Sure, it was with dear friends, but there would also be people I didn’t know, which could equate to small talk, of which I’d rather stick my finger in a light socket. I’m awkward and not good at it.

I would define myself as an introverted extrovert. Meaning, I’m most happy at home. I don’t socialize a lot and often dread going out.  But once I get out, things change and I usually do ok, so long as I’m with friends. Still, having anxiety 12-plus hours before the event felt overwhelming and unjustified—why was I already so keyed up over something that should be fun?

While the hours leading up to the party were full of reasons to back out, I pulled up my big girl pants and went and I’m so glad I did. It was so fun to get together with friends, make new ones, and I enjoyed every minute of it. You see, it wasn’t ME that was dreading anything; it was that often debilitating thing called anxiety.

I consider myself a very blessed person for numerous reasons, one being that I never experienced anxiety until my 40s, when my hormones began to change. Yes, perimenopause. And once I knew what was happening, I couldn’t imagine dealing with this my entire life. It’s horrible, and I have deep empathy for anyone who suffers from anxiety.

For me, it often began in the early hours of the morning. I’d wake up around 4 or 4:30 with a sickening feeling of impending doom. The only way to describe it was like an invisible weight pressing down on me. I’d immediately get out of bed and start pacing. With a cup of coffee in hand, I’d walk laps around my house, convinced that something bad was coming. Of what? I had no idea, but the feeling was relentless. This pacing would go on until it was time to get ready for work. Exercise would have been ideal, but the stress often made it necessary for me to stay near a bathroom. Pushing weights or bending into yoga poses would not be wise, if you know what I mean. Within a few hours, the sensation would subside and I could function, but those early morning hours were agonizing.

It took me time to seek help, and when I finally saw a doctor, I started with a thirty-something OB-GYN. Convinced that hormones were the root cause, I thought hormone therapy might offset my perimenopausal changes. Instead, she chuckled, said I was seeing the wrong doctor, and referred me to a mental health professional. I was shocked and frustrated. After all, wasn’t the root cause hormonal? Shouldn’t estrogen therapy fix the problem? I felt dismissed and old, as if my concerns weren’t fully heard or understood. But it wasn’t just about finding a solution—it was about feeling validated in my struggle, and at that moment, I didn’t.

Fast forward a few more years—full-on menopause, a pandemic, and plenty of life changes—and I’m now a “highly experienced anxiety professional.” I’ve dealt with several forms: panic attacks (impending doom), social anxiety, and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) triggered by life—things like in-office team meetings, rising bills, political turmoil, women’s freedoms, etc. Now toss in a dash of OCD, a handful of PTSD, stir it all together, and you get a glimpse of my reality. But I know I’m not alone.

Anxiety disorders are twice as likely to affect women, with the weight of societal expectations, hormonal changes, and trauma compounding the challenge. The numbers are growing, reflecting the mounting pressures women face in a world that often demands resilience without offering adequate support.

For women, major causes of anxiety often include:

Stress. As workers, partners, caregivers, and friends, we often find ourselves juggling responsibilities that leave little room for self-care. 

The fear of losing control. Whether dealing with health issues, being in an unhealthy  relationship, or battling financial struggles—can feel paralyzing. 

Hormones. From puberty to post-menopause (aka forever), the hormonal changes can amplify feelings of unease, often leaving us questioning our own emotional stability. 

Trauma that can manifest as PTSD. Often triggered by life events, toxic relationships, even sounds and smells can cause anxiety that feels impossible to escape. 

So, how do we combat this relentless angst? Here are my coping mechanisms:

1. Exercise: Whether sweating on the bike, lifting weights, or hiking trails, this is my #1 go-to for managing anxiety. When I skip regular exercise, I feel it creeping back.

2. Recognizing triggers: Try to plan for them when possible, to minimize their impact.

3. Living a healthy lifestyle: A balanced diet, consistent sleep schedule, and mindfulness make a huge difference.

4. Surrounding myself with positivity: Healthy friendships and supportive, loving people help me stay grounded.

5. Advocating for myself: I’m learning to set boundaries and prioritize my needs.

6. Medication: While I can no longer take hormone therapy due to my breast cancer type, I am on anxiety meds and they DO help.

As I reflect on my life’s journey, I can see how every bend and scar has shaped me into who I am today. Anxiety, like the storms that leave marks on trees, can feel overwhelming, but it also teaches resilience. It forces us to adapt, grow, and find strength we didn’t know we had. Whether through creating art, building community, or simply taking time for self-care, we find ways to thrive. And that is the essence of being human—being rooted, resilient, and willing to grow.

So, if you’re struggling, know this: you’re not alone. Like the trees I sculpt, you have the strength to weather any storm. Bend, don’t break—and remember to honor your journey.

Reference: https://www.fda.gov/consumers/womens-health-topics/women-and-anxiety

How I Learned That No Is a Complete Sentence

How I Learned That No Is a Complete Sentence

Do you ever hear that tiny voice in your head whispering, “Just say no…” only to ignore it and say yes instead? I’ve done it more times than I care to admit. It’s as if the word “no” is stuck somewhere in my throat, replaced by a reflexive “yes,” even when every fiber of my being is screaming otherwise.

The first time I remember crossing my own boundaries was in fifth grade. A girl in my class asked to borrow my favorite pen—the 3-in-one pen with blue, green, and red ink tabs that made every homework assignment look like an art project. I didn’t want to lend it to her, but I also didn’t want her to think I was stingy. So, I handed it over with a smile and spent the rest of the day sad and broken. When she didn’t give it back, I never even asked for it. Why? Because I didn’t want to seem “pushy.” Even at 10 years old, I’d already internalized the belief that it was better to make someone else happy than risk upsetting them by standing up for myself.

Unfortunately, this pattern followed me into adulthood, where the stakes became much higher. Sure, I’ve learned a lot since fifth grade, but even now, there are moments when I overextend myself—agreeing to things I don’t have time for or saying “yes” just to avoid conflict. And as I’m sure a lot of you know, it can be exhausting.

Why is it so hard for women to set boundaries? We’re taught, consciously or unconsciously, to be people pleasers. From a young age, we hear phrases like, “Share,” “be kind,” or “Don’t hurt their feelings.” We learn that being liked often means being accommodating, agreeable, and self-sacrificing. Add to that the societal expectation that women should be caretakers and nurturers, and it’s no wonder we struggle to say no. And don’t forget about “keeping up with the Joneses” complex. Super Mom down the street can juggle it all, so why can’t I? Or, the boss expects it so I must comply.

But here’s the thing: saying yes when we really want to say no comes with a cost. Every time we ignore our boundaries, we chip away at our energy, our self-respect, and even our health. We overcommit and end up stretched so thin that there’s nothing left for ourselves. We carry resentment for the things we’ve agreed to but didn’t want to do. And perhaps worst of all, we teach people that it’s okay to expect too much from us because we’ve shown them that we’ll always comply.

This is both at home and in the workforce, and I learned this the hard way (as I do with nearly everything in life). Shortly after starting my last corporate stint, a co-worker approached me in the hall and informed me that, “This company will push you as far as you let them.” Oh my, was she ever right.

At first, the long hours didn’t bother me—I felt respected and energized by the creative people I worked with. But after our business was acquired and the management team replaced, everything changed. Suddenly, more responsibilities piled onto my plate, and with most of my OG teammates gone, there were just a couple of us left to juggle it all. I kept smiling and assuring everyone, “No problem!” while secretly wondering how I’d survive. The stress took a toll on my health, but I ignored the warning signs, believing that getting the job done and proving my worth was all that mattered. 

When I was eventually laid off to free up budget for sponsorships, the harsh truth hit me: constantly feeling the need to prove myself/not disappoint had been the wrong choice. What I really needed was to take care of me. It was time to put myself first, because no one else was going to do it for me. And then came the cancer diagnosis—so yeah, it had to become all about me.

Setting boundaries isn’t about being selfish; it’s about self-preservation. It’s about recognizing that your time, energy, and well-being are just as valuable as anyone else’s. When you set boundaries, you’re not only protecting yourself but also teaching others how to treat you. You’re saying, “I respect myself enough to say no, and I expect you to respect that too.”

Of course, it’s not always easy. Boundaries can make people uncomfortable, especially if they’re used to you saying yes all the time. You might face pushback, guilt trips, or even anger. But that awkwardness is temporary, and it’s a small price to pay for the long-term benefits of living a life that aligns with your values and needs.

Now, when I’m faced with a decision, I ask myself this question: Am I saying yes because I want to, or because I feel like I have to? If it’s the latter, I remind myself that it’s okay to say no. I’ve learned that “no” is a complete sentence—I don’t need to explain or justify it (although I still often do). And the more I practice, the easier it gets.

So, to every woman reading this: let’s stop apologizing for setting boundaries. Let’s stop putting everyone else’s needs above our own. Let’s learn to say no without guilt and yes without resentment. Because when we respect our own limits, we’re not only taking care of ourselves—we’re setting an example for the women (and children) around us. And that’s a gift worth giving.