How I Learned That No Is a Complete Sentence

How I Learned That No Is a Complete Sentence

Do you ever hear that tiny voice in your head whispering, “Just say no…” only to ignore it and say yes instead? I’ve done it more times than I care to admit. It’s as if the word “no” is stuck somewhere in my throat, replaced by a reflexive “yes,” even when every fiber of my being is screaming otherwise.

The first time I remember crossing my own boundaries was in fifth grade. A girl in my class asked to borrow my favorite pen—the 3-in-one pen with blue, green, and red ink tabs that made every homework assignment look like an art project. I didn’t want to lend it to her, but I also didn’t want her to think I was stingy. So, I handed it over with a smile and spent the rest of the day sad and broken. When she didn’t give it back, I never even asked for it. Why? Because I didn’t want to seem “pushy.” Even at 10 years old, I’d already internalized the belief that it was better to make someone else happy than risk upsetting them by standing up for myself.

Unfortunately, this pattern followed me into adulthood, where the stakes became much higher. Sure, I’ve learned a lot since fifth grade, but even now, there are moments when I overextend myself—agreeing to things I don’t have time for or saying “yes” just to avoid conflict. And as I’m sure a lot of you know, it can be exhausting.

Why is it so hard for women to set boundaries? We’re taught, consciously or unconsciously, to be people pleasers. From a young age, we hear phrases like, “Share,” “be kind,” or “Don’t hurt their feelings.” We learn that being liked often means being accommodating, agreeable, and self-sacrificing. Add to that the societal expectation that women should be caretakers and nurturers, and it’s no wonder we struggle to say no. And don’t forget about “keeping up with the Joneses” complex. Super Mom down the street can juggle it all, so why can’t I? Or, the boss expects it so I must comply.

But here’s the thing: saying yes when we really want to say no comes with a cost. Every time we ignore our boundaries, we chip away at our energy, our self-respect, and even our health. We overcommit and end up stretched so thin that there’s nothing left for ourselves. We carry resentment for the things we’ve agreed to but didn’t want to do. And perhaps worst of all, we teach people that it’s okay to expect too much from us because we’ve shown them that we’ll always comply.

This is both at home and in the workforce, and I learned this the hard way (as I do with nearly everything in life). Shortly after starting my last corporate stint, a co-worker approached me in the hall and informed me that, “This company will push you as far as you let them.” Oh my, was she ever right.

At first, the long hours didn’t bother me—I felt respected and energized by the creative people I worked with. But after our business was acquired and the management team replaced, everything changed. Suddenly, more responsibilities piled onto my plate, and with most of my OG teammates gone, there were just a couple of us left to juggle it all. I kept smiling and assuring everyone, “No problem!” while secretly wondering how I’d survive. The stress took a toll on my health, but I ignored the warning signs, believing that getting the job done and proving my worth was all that mattered. 

When I was eventually laid off to free up budget for sponsorships, the harsh truth hit me: constantly feeling the need to prove myself/not disappoint had been the wrong choice. What I really needed was to take care of me. It was time to put myself first, because no one else was going to do it for me. And then came the cancer diagnosis—so yeah, it had to become all about me.

Setting boundaries isn’t about being selfish; it’s about self-preservation. It’s about recognizing that your time, energy, and well-being are just as valuable as anyone else’s. When you set boundaries, you’re not only protecting yourself but also teaching others how to treat you. You’re saying, “I respect myself enough to say no, and I expect you to respect that too.”

Of course, it’s not always easy. Boundaries can make people uncomfortable, especially if they’re used to you saying yes all the time. You might face pushback, guilt trips, or even anger. But that awkwardness is temporary, and it’s a small price to pay for the long-term benefits of living a life that aligns with your values and needs.

Now, when I’m faced with a decision, I ask myself this question: Am I saying yes because I want to, or because I feel like I have to? If it’s the latter, I remind myself that it’s okay to say no. I’ve learned that “no” is a complete sentence—I don’t need to explain or justify it (although I still often do). And the more I practice, the easier it gets.

So, to every woman reading this: let’s stop apologizing for setting boundaries. Let’s stop putting everyone else’s needs above our own. Let’s learn to say no without guilt and yes without resentment. Because when we respect our own limits, we’re not only taking care of ourselves—we’re setting an example for the women (and children) around us. And that’s a gift worth giving.